Code of Ethics Update January 30, 2019
Over the last year, the ASI (formerly) APST has received the most feedback about the tenet in the Code of Ethics regarding student and teacher relationships (3.3). We have been greatly divided on this topic and have decided to implement a compromise in the Code acknowledging that in rare cases a healthy relationship can develop, once the teacher and student have dissolved the student teacher relationship. In such instances it is wise to consult a counselor or therapist, and take the time to cool off and discern the wisdom and outward consequences of such a decision for all those involved, including the community.
Personally, I feel that we should be extremely strict and not allow for any wiggle room in the Code around the issue of sexual relationships between teachers and students. As a practicing therapist, for me, the boundaries are quite clear: we do not cross romantic or sexual boundaries. However, it has been brought to our attention numerous times that there are examples of teachers who had gracefully transitioned out of the student-teacher relationship and found a way to skillfully create a harmonious loving romantic relationship.
But I will also state that at least once a week someone does share with me (confidentially) yet another new account of sexual abuse or inappropriate sexual behavior by a male spiritual teacher. Because of this, I choose to remain strict with solid boundaries in this area. Too often what appears to be carefree and even authentic, turns out to actually be a mix of projection and abuse of power.
However, in response to the feedback received, the APST has updated the Code (3.3d) to acknowledge the rare exceptions that can result in a successful intimate relationship. Given the sensitive nature of this topic and the fact that the most egregious ethical violations are related to sexual relationships between students and teachers, it is wise to remember that these exceptions are rare and are not a good excuse to leave our ethics and discernment behind. Some of the greatest gurus and saints have fallen from grace around the topic of sexual relationships; let us be wise and not follow them. There are countless stories of spiritual communities and individual relationships destroyed because of loose boundaries and ethical clarity. Many victims of spiritual teacher’s loose sexual boundaries and lack of ethics have spent decades afterwards dealing with the traumas incurred.
Please see the change we made below on January 30, 2019 in 3.3d (in bold).
3.3 Spiritual teachers will adhere to the following guidelines and boundaries:
- a) A sexual relationship is never appropriate between teachers and students.
- b) The decision to sexualize a relationship almost invariably means the loss of any ability to properly fulfill the original teacher-student contract.
- c) During retreats or formal teaching, any intimation of future student-teacher romantic or sexual relationship is inappropriate.
d) Where interest in a genuine and committed relationship arises, the student-teacher dynamic must clearly and consciously end a minimum of 2 years before progressing it either in person or through other forms of communication. 2 years allows for a cooling off period; the purpose of which is to remove the power deferential that exists in teacher-student relationships.
3.3 Spiritual teachers will adhere to the following guidelines and boundaries:
- a) A sexual relationship is never appropriate between teachers and students.
- b) The decision to sexualize a relationship almost invariably means the loss of any ability to properly fulfill the original teacher-student contract.
- c) During retreats or formal teaching, any intimation of future student-teacher romantic or sexual relationship is inappropriate.
d) Inappropriate sexual relations between teachers and students, involving coercion or an imbalanced power differential, have been the most common and egregious ethical violations in many spiritual communities. But in a minority of cases, a healthy romantic relationship has evolved. Transitioning from a teacher-student relationship to a partnership between two consenting adults can be a delicate process, taking time, maturity, and mutual communication. At the APST, agreeing upon a reasonable standard on this issue that would be widely respected and adhered to has been our most difficult challenge. In spite of differences in opinions, we endeavor to continue to discuss the topic with rigor.
The complete up-to-date Code of Ethics can be viewed at https://www.spiritual-integrity.org/ethics.
While all the nuances of this discussion could fill the pages of a book, we encourage you to continue to take great care and discernment around this topic. As a community we will continue to investigate it together deeply.
On a lighter note, to illustrate how confusing religion/spirituality and sexual relationships are I will share something from our friends at SNL. Enjoy ?
